On Track

LarrE Ervin



Travels with hemorrhoid  


     A number of years ago I paid $1,000 for an old 1992 Chevy Chevell. It now has 175,000 hard miles on it. Lately I haven’t been taking such good care of her. There are way too many problems to even start that. I truly expected that she would have rusted away peacefully by now. Her name is hemorrhoid and she earned it well. I call her Hemi for short. I take pictures at auto races so we travel a lot and each time I head out I fear the outcome. Our latest journey started about the first week in December thanks to Roger. Roger is the man I send my photos to so he can post them on his web site


      During one conversation we both reached a point were neither of us understood what the other was talking about and he says, “So you want to go to the PRI Show, hu?” At first I couldn’t believe my ears. Of course I’d love to go, but how? No money, no car..well yes, hemorrhoid but she couldn’t get me there and back. “Sure, Rog, I’d love to.” In a fit of stupidity I started packing Hemi for the trip. By the morning of December 12 Hemi and I pulled out and headed for Florida, God willing. She has two major problems. At 65 mph she shimmies real bad. Which is OK since at 66 she over heats into the red fires of hell range. This trip was going to take a while. South Carolina seemed to take forever to get through. And in Georgia we stopped for a drink. Coke for me and a half-gallon of water for Hemi.

Traveling at 55 to 60 on the Interstate you meet a lot..I mean a lot..of people. Most of them are friendly and wave in some form or other. In Florida after stopping for more drinks, my new Jeff Gordon cup got stuck in the cup holder and after a mighty yank out it came spilling coke all over the front seat and me. It also reached the height of the rear view mirror knocking it off the windshield. This would stop one of the little games I had been playing. Looking in the mirror and counting the second it took a small dot to become a truck grill that would fill the entire mirror. The first night I tried sleeping in the back seat wasn’t good. It seemed to work when I tested it back home. But sharp pains would set in if you didn’t roll over every 2 or 3 minutes. On a short narrow seat wrapped in blankets it couldn’t be done. The second night I had found reclined in the front seat was the best I could do. It seemed to kind of work. 48 hours with out sleep helped a little, too.


     By the third night I had to dip into the kitty and buy a room. Driving through a monsoon of a storm I could only pick motels on the left side. I had forgotten to replace a bad wiper blade on the passenger side, making right side moteling impossible in this storm. Found a nice cheap motel. In Florida they give you the rate they charge for the room. They don’t tell you the rate the city of Orlando charges, or the county charges, and the state charges. Had she explained that I’d have been back out sleeping with Hemi. As I pulled around back to park there was yellow crime scene tape everywhere. I walked past a camera crew and announcer who was saying, “At this time we are not calling it a homicide, but and unexplained death.” We can sleep well tonight, the Orlando police force is finding all the bodies…at my motel!


     At this time I should mention that the drivers side front window doesn’t come down. It got very tight and I broke off the handle trying to get it down one hot day with the heater going, trying to cool off hemi. This makes ordering a hamburger a real show. I lay back the seat and roll down the back window and pay while lying down. Most of the clerks are kids and they seem to really love it when I stop by. In Lakeland Florida I felt the need to let Hemi rest a bit so we pulled into a Wendy’s. I love Wendy’s a couple jr cheeseburgers and a senior coke (i.e. free) is a real deal. Well this time when I said senior coke the young girl looked at me and said, “Are you a senior?” Well of course I loved it, but instead of getting out my drivers license I decided to give her a real senior sign. So I pulled down my tee shirt to show her the God-awful open-heart surgery scar I had, thinking that would show my age as well as anything. She screamed real loud, “Oh, God don’t show me that thing!”. I tried to look around and find whom she was yelling at, like everyone else was. It didn’t work all eyes were on me and women were all frowning deeply. I’d ordered eat in but when it came I gathered up the food and drinks and went out side to eat with Hemi. I’ll not try that again.


     On the way home Hemi really showed her displeasure by running hot all the way up to Jacksonville, were we stopped for some more drinks. Another swig of water and two quarters of oil seemed to help a little but the spilled oil from trying to get down her little throat was frying for the next hundred miles and I got very sick causing even more stops.


     Oh, yes I did enjoy all the races at East Bay Raceway in Tampa and USA Speedway in Lakeland and Orlando Speedworld and of course the PRI exhibit (Performance Racing Industry) was a thrill. And the folks I met at New Smyrna Speedway. The photos of the people and fun time we had are posted right here on the Florida site and also at writers (on the first page) then my name Larrie Ervin. Or as Roger calls me LarrE thinking everyone needs a nickname. I kind of like it too.


     I had a great time and am out washing Hemi today…she deserves a good cleaning, and a place to rest for a while.




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Revised: February 23, 2013